LA Real: I'm Sorry, OK

By Teka-Lark Lo 

Sometimes in the quest to poetry superstardom you can make errors; of course eccentricity is the mark of any successful artist, but emotional outbursts can be an unpleasant side effect. And with new technology such as email, you can "diddle" yourself relatively easy.

 

There is nothing wrong with a reputation of being a nut, but there is something very wrong with written or tangible proof of it. Think about that movie “Memoirs of a Geisha,” it might seem cool to be a geisha on the big screen, but the reality is you're a hooker with cool clothes, and that's pretty gross, and having emotional breakdowns is pretty gross.

 

It's the middle of the night and you've decided that person X is a demon from hell. Are you being unreasonable? No, we all know demons from hell that take the human form as poetry hosts, art gallery owners, or literary gurus; we know they are a necessary evil, someone to maybe one day aspire to be. Anyway it's late so you decide to send them an email explaining how they are the devil and should burn in hell.

 

That's a mistake for lots of reasons.

 

Reason One. You are automatically assuming that diva behavior is a negative. Don't be a dumbass; divas, princesses, and dicks make the art world a thousand times more interesting and that kind of energy shakes out the occasional hobbyist who thinks they are an artist because they write a poem once a year. Unless you possess a Pulitzer, tenure at a real college or a book (that you didn't publish yourself), one poem a year is not a poet.

 

Reason Two. You wrote an email. No one but an amateur provides a "paper" trail for unpleasantness. What is wrong with you, don't you get it, that's proof, proof of your being a jerk; years from now people won't remember the devil (unless the devil pulled out a gun), but they'll be able to read your email. Remember, use your words via phone or in person.

 

A reading or two, where I'm sure there were lots of mistakes that I didn't see or notice during the months of January (and some of December):

 

Poets on the Half Shell, some person from New York or Alabama or Orange County, I don't know, but at the every third Sunday reading hosted by Ms. Carlye Archibeque, my partner in poetry crimes, I was introduced to Randall Fleming. I had seen him previously at my reading where he molested audience members with his words and even touched one of them, cool, so I made it a point to attend his feature, possibly he would molest me, that didn't happen, but it was an interesting night that started out with Michael C. Ford and ended with Sarah Maclay. I almost didn't make that reading, I drank a lot at a poetry salon that I helped host in the Valley with fellow VCP members Elizabeth Iannaci, Meg Chang, Richard Modiano, and Neil Aiken earlier in the evening. I just remembered that happened as I was writing this, how could I do that? Brendan Constantine and Amélie Frank dazzled the audience. How could I have forgotten that, so sorry.

 

Poets on the Half Shell: Jeff Levine and the Imaginary Poets 2/9/06; Jerry Garcia, Jim Doane, and Phil Taggart 2/19/06; 681 N Venice Blvd, Venice 90291; 7 pm start time

 

I went to MOCA Grand to stumble through the comic thing, it’s good if you're a poet on the go to be up on the quality comic books, it makes you seem well rounded and not too snobby, no one is all that well rounded, but as I said previously it's about appearances. Even though I have never read a comic book in my life, after memorizing that exhibit I can act like I'm interested when boys start going on about that.

 

"Have you heard of Chris Ware?" boy I like.

 

"Yes his typography is very detailed, he's pretty revolutionary." Me, pretending like I know what I'm talking about.

 

"You're awesome, in addition to your great fashion sense, you know about comics too, you're the best kind of a girl." boy I like.

 

"Great, I'm thirsty, let's go to the Mountain Bar, where you can buy me lots of gin and tonics," Me.

 

Should you be sorry when you get free drinks, of course not, you're fabulous, fabulous looking people deserve free drinks.

 

MOCA, Masters of American Comics, 250 South Grand Avenue, Los Angeles, CA

90012, though 3/12/06

 

Mountain Bar, 473 Gin Ling Way, Chinatown

 

I took my fabulous self to Michael Kearn's Workspace; Tess. Lotta moved her popular reading to Silver Lake, getting there was half the fun.

 

This is sort of the conversation I had while trying to get there.

 

"Do you have directions?" Stosh.

 

"No, do you have the directions?" Me.

 

"Don't you live here?" Stosh.

 

"Don't you live here?” Me.

 

"We can't find it?" Stosh.

 

"We can call, people are expecting me, I want to go, blah, blah, blah, blah," Upset me.

 

I probably should have said sorry to Stosh for insisting that we go, but not having the directions, but he understands that I often think about me, and the reading was good. Who was there, Jerry Garcia, the one who is alive, Steve Abee, personal favorite, Imani Tolliver, she's pretty deep. I first met Imani in Eagle Rock where I insisted she had to be my friend, though I suspect she thinks I'm a freak, which is OK, because I am. Michael Kearns' Workspace is a beautiful spot, it looks like a little mini-theatre, but a nice one, not crappy and half-ass, like lots of little mini-theatres.

 

Michael Kearns' Workspace: Michael Datcher reads his poetry, 2/26/06, at 4 pm, 3929 Fountain Blvd, Silver Lake, 323-856-6168

 

Stosh gave the best poetry reading in January, the Brand Books reading, featuring, S.A. Griffin, Paul Koenig, Brendan Constantine, Eric the Fish, Carlye Archibeque, Tucker Smallwood, Brenda Petrakos, Ann Coulter, and other people that it doesn't hurt to listen to. Stosh the stalking poet with the butane lighter delivery, hosts a reading that is invite-only, and he doesn't say sorry for it, but he doesn't have to, because that reading rocks. Big hats off to the lovely Mr. Jerome, he lets us invade the best little bookstore in Glendale to present our work.

 

Brand Books, 231 N Brand Blvd, Glendale, 818-507-5943

 

Paul Koenig and Brendan Constantine, 2nd Fridays in Eagle Rock, 2225 Colorado Blvd., Eagle Rock, 2/10/06 at 8 pm

 

During the end of January, I went to the spanking new Santa Monica Public Library to the Raymond Carver Tribute produced by Susan Hayden, where S.A. Griffin, Scott Wannberg, Laurel Ann Bogen, Michael C. Ford, Philomene Long Thomas, Doug Knott, and other LA beats read works by Carver, it was an event that should have been photographed, way too many LA greats on the stage for a camera to have not been present. This I hope is a regular tribute, I remember the first one I heard about was last year at the Electric Lodge in Venice. I often don't like tributes, but this was one nice and painless, most tributes hurt more than the death of the writer.

 

Santa Monica Public Library, 601 Santa Monica Blvd, Santa Monica, 310-458-8600

 

Moving back in time to December, Jeff Levine, owner of Tupelo Press and Red Hen writer, read at the Ruskin Art Club along with Ilya Kaminsky, David Hernandez, and Kate Gale. I have to admit, before I continue, I helped orchestrate that event, so this is a Hunter S. Thompson moment, it was great night of poetry. It even had drama, Ilya Kaminsky was suppose to show up, so we waited about thirty minutes for him to show up, then we had to just start, and at the very last moment, right before the reading ended, he shows up, disheveled, looking like a gigantic little boy, even though he was in a suit and tie, and closed the night with his hauntingly lovely poetry and presence, wow I'm an awesome curator of events.

 

Ruskin Art Club, Rex Wilder & Marvin Bell, 2/12/06 at 2 pm, 800 S. Plymouth, LA

 

I went to the Los Feliz art walk, named First Friday, because its every first Friday. Los Feliz is getting more fabulous every day, there are more and more overpriced restaurants going up everyday and even one of those new wine bars, cool. You can take dates there and see if they really care about you, the more money people spend on you the more they care about you.

 

Interestingly sick work (this is not an insult) by Craig LaRotonda at La Luz De Jesus. Traditional paint and canvass with an untraditional subject, the subconscious as a naked alien, in the literal and figurative sense. I liked the work, I like Mark Ryden, but the cute but sick thing is getting a bit old, it’s refreshing to see something that's sick and looks sick.

 

Craig LaRotonda "Tyranny of the Flesh", La Luz De Jesus, 4633 Hollywood Blvd, L.A., 90027, 2/3/06–2/26/06

 

Things you can do so you won't have to say sorry, but still be your social-climbing artistic self:

 

Get mad only via phone, you can pretty much say anything and deny it. The conversation never happened.

 

Never let them see you sweat, no matter what happens, look pleasant, if your husband shows up at your feature while you are on a date with another guy, just be cool and again, deny everything, social amnesia, I've been afflicted with it for years.

 

Shower daily, within the writing community that will pull you ahead in credibility, if there is a dispute over who is crazy, I will guarantee you the writer with the regular shower will win out.

 

Make friends with the new generation. You've been on the art scene forever, 20, 30, or even 40 years, you've pissed off everyone, you're washed up, there is hope for you. Your peers may think you are insane, but the youngsters think you are hip, if it weren't for younger poets, Bukowski wouldn't be nearly as famous as he is now, and he got laid a lot in his later years and fame, all by following this poetry superstardom path, and this group of people, it’s easier to be nice to them, since they think you are god, but even if you weren't nice, they still think you were god, and god can do whatever he or she wants. But watch your back, on the outside be Margo Channing from All About Eve, but inside be Gordon Gekko in Wall Street, never flinch if you have to take a young upstart out, this is all about you and your greatness.

 

But all of this unpleasantness can be avoided by never having to say sorry, I never do, follow my tips. Keep your game face on and remember the best defense is a good offense. Gin and grins.

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